Chapter 4
“The Outer & the Inner Reality”
Does your outer self that you present to the world reflect who you really are INSIDE yourself?
So often, it does not – and this may have many different causes. For example, if we have had a difficult childhood experience full of dysfunctional family relationships and the resulting emotional drama and trauma, we may have “learned” to hide our true feelings and personality as a self-defense mechanism.
Maybe it wasn’t “safe” to be who we really were and, therefore, to expose ourselves to further criticism and emotional attack. This often happens when parents are “at war” with each other. It is so easy for us to get caught in the negative crossfire and become emotionally damaged by this behavior. We then decide, as children, that it simply isn’t safe to express our true selves and our authentic feelings and personalities.
Maybe there was no one available to us on an emotional level – no one to talk to about our feelings and inner experiences – so these simply became hidden. Once developed, these habits can continue unless we identify and change them. Often in these situations the adults around us modelled the behaviors of always remaining guarded and on the defensive, and we came to identify the world as being “unsafe” for ourselves and our emotions. When this happens, we may invent and develop alternate personalities and versions of ourselves that we believe are capable of functioning safely in these inauthentic and destructive environments.
We learn how to function in structures which are not “real” – and often, without even consciously realizing what we are doing and the choices we are making – we learn to “hide from the world” because it is safer, and it is the only thing we know how to do to preserve, deep within us, the core of our personality and being.
This process leaves us depleted – of our SELVES, of our authenticity, of our ability to freely and spontaneously BE who we are by fully expressing what we think and how we feel. We become “hidden from the world” in a safe, but very lonely, place where no one gets to see and interact with who we really are! Most importantly of all, we lose contact with the real parts of ourselves which lie buried deep within us – unseen and unheard, while they cry for help.
It is an intrinsic part of our nature as human beings – the drive to be SEEN, to be HEARD for who we truly are! And when this is lost, we suffer enormous and immeasurable emotional pain and torment – from deep within the authentic parts of ourselves that are crying to be expressed and EXPERIENCED – by ourselves and by others! It is a denial of our right to exist that goes against everything that is HUMAN when this happens, and we continue to suffer this inner torment until we finally pay attention to the inner drive and knowledge that is constantly calling to us – to BE who we really are!
Many people, unfortunately, suffer in silent unawareness of this process their entire lives – while leading outwardly “successful” lives of quiet desperation within themselves. This is truly tragic – because the process CAN be reversed! We can learn to uncover our true selves and feelings! It only requires of us the necessary DEDICATION to ourselves, and the realization of how much we love, and long to experience, the beauties and truths hidden within us.
This path can be immensely beautiful and rewarding – punctuated with moments of absolute ecstasy when we reconnect with our inner selves and the truths of perception and knowing which they contain! But even this path, with all its beauty and emotional reward, is not without its costs. These are reflected in the time and dedication it takes to “stay the course” – no matter what inner obstacles and defense mechanisms we may encounter! Often there are painful traumas and their associated memories that must be uncovered and faced in order to finally free ourselves from these things – and the emotions, and energies they contain — which otherwise remain controlling portions of who we are. This can be a painful process, but it is equally beautiful and rewarding when we experience these re-connections with our own true feelings, perceptions, and the ability to free ourselves by speaking our truth about the things we have experienced. These can be incredible transcendent spiritual experiences which carry us into new realms of awareness!
“All that is hidden must now be revealed” is a universal truth at this point in time on our planet, as immense energies of Light push to the surface everything that is holding us back or preventing us from having full access to the beautiful energies of the true selves within us! Nothing can any longer remain hidden if it is an obstacle to the free flow of energies within us. When we have these old patterns of obstruction within ourselves, they often are experienced as actual energy blockages in our physical bodies – interfering with physical functioning either in our muscular and skeletal systems and alignment of the body, or in the energy flow to our internal organ system, for example. These energy blockages can cause myriad problems for the physical parts of who we are – by causing stiff, aching joints, degeneration of joints due to lack of energy flow or “chi,” spinal misalignments due to interference with muscular activity in our backs as we unconsciously block our energy flows through certain meridians so that we don’t have to feel the old emotional pain and memories that are stored in these areas.
The body has amazing intelligence in the ways in which it stores these memories of old pains and traumatic events. It can simply block energy flow through areas where we are denying the authenticity of the emotions and memories contained within these areas. Modern medical science is now becoming aware of how our thoughts and feelings can have deep-seated repercussions in the physical parts of who we are. But, fortunately, we don’t need to have this process explained to us by a doctor before we can take steps to free ourselves from these difficulties. All that is required of us is that we start listening to the wisdom of our bodies and paying attention to what they are saying to us through feelings, sensations, and other forms of awareness. The body always knows the exact path to the healing that is necessary and available to us.
Often, courage is the key to unlock this inner process and begin the healing! We must have the courage to validate ourselves and our authentic thoughts and feelings – despite what we are hearing from the outside world and various authority figures. Often, friends and family members will be the first to oppose these changes within us, because change does “upset the applecart” of co-dependent, abusive, or otherwise disempowering relationships based on lies, misinformation, disinformation, power trips, and other control mechanisms that we may have unknowingly allowed to develop in our lives and relationships.
When we begin to see and uncover the truths within us of how we are experiencing the outer world, we uncover many things! Some of these experiences are quite beautiful and rewarding, but, as well, we may discover things that we wish to change in our relationships and the other circumstances of our lives – such as situations at work, or in the areas of housing, or affiliations with various religious groups.
For those who are truly dedicated to following this inner path of truth wherever it leads, it may lead through many inner and outer changes in our lives. But if we are following our heart’s “call to truth” and searching for the authenticity of who we really are, these changes must be allowed to occur! Many times this leads to the creation of circumstances in our lives which began to support us emotionally as well as financially. We may develop relationships with people who appreciate us for “who we truly are” and how we feel! This happens as we express our inner truth – from a place of love, gentleness, and understanding of the needs and feelings of others.
It can be a rocky journey – this path to inner awareness and the beauties of the authentic self within – but this is always balanced and outweighed by the ecstasy of locating the inner connection to ourselves, our souls, and the Divine Presence within!
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